Sustaining a long-distance relationship is difficult. The countdown to when you will see your partner next takes center stage, and so really does the unrecognized battle many couples experience: long-distance relationship depression. This is that nagging weight that slowly creeps into your chest, that feeling of loneliness that materializes after your video chat, and the worried racing thoughts and that little voice in your head that plants doubt. You are not alone. In this guide, we will take some time to discuss practical and emotionally charged methods to deal with depression, deepen your emotional bond, and care for your mental health within your long-distance relationship. Both your relationship and your well-being matter.
Understanding Long-Distance Relationship Depression
It all starts the same way. An ache at the end of the phone call, a sense of missing something on a daily basis. The first measure of comprehending long-distance relationship depression is to understand how to navigate the loss. It represents more than simply missing someone; it can feel like a deep sadness and loneliness that can affect your sleep, eating patterns, and motivation levels. Many partners find they end up riding the emotional wave of missing their love and the pain of being apart while longing for the love they have for the distance that exists between them.
The Emotional Impact of Distance
We may talk often about the pain of missing someone, but we overlook the emotional toll of distance over time. It’s the sadness that strikes when you see a couple holding hands while walking together in a park. It’s finding yourself eating alone again for yet another night, with a phone propped up watching an old show, and sadness creeps in. This never-ending low-grade sadness in long-distance love can lead to what many term long distance relationship depression, the sense of being in a suspended state of gray. You may start to notice feelings of emptiness and a loss of interest in your own life, and part of the reason for this is that a tremendous source of your joy is physically located miles away. This additional layer of sadness can lead to a cycle where you start to isolate and retreat from friends and hobbies, isolated even further as a result. It is important to realize that these feelings of fatigue and heaviness are direct feelings of the absence of your partner.
Recognizing the Signs of Depression
How can you tell if it’s a bad moment or something more damaging? Taking the time to identify the signs of depression can have a serious impact on your issues. Pay attention to your own mood and behavior, especially when changes become habitual. Are you getting ticked off more often? Are you getting upset over things that aren’t that serious? Have you lost interest in things you used to enjoy? Observe any changes to your sleep — are you sleeping more, needing naps, able to sleep, but still not feeling rested? Likewise, note changes in your appetite. With regard to your relationship, there are several key indications of depression. You may start to dread your nightly calls instead of going into those calls in anticipation of the connection, or you may start to feel you can’t have a conversation where you feel emotionally present and connected. You may even notice that your partner is starting to withdraw from their communication with you in texts or calls, and/or their voice is not present as warmly as before. When you can recognize some early signs of depression, you can open up to be fully compassionate and turn towards one another rather than away. It means that you can look at each other with compassion and say, “wow, I can see that this is really hard on both of us, we are going to face this together.”
The Role of Communication in Long Distance Relationship
Effective Communication Strategies
Building emotional intimacy is about more than small talk. Plan a “date night” when you call each other and devote this time directly to one another. Perhaps you could watch a movie at the same time, or play a game online together. Also, in your effort to communicate openly and honestly, try to be “I feel” buckets instead of “You never” buckets. For example, you could say something like, “I feel a little lonely today and talking with you makes me feel better.” Share the details with your partner, no matter how small, to help break the day down. Practicing a bit of virtual intimacy makes physical being apart easier. And remember you are not just hearing but listening. Validating someone’s feelings is a big deal. Speak something as simple as, “I totally get why you would feel like that.” By doing this, you both have access to a safe space where each person feels seen and heard, which really helps as both of you navigate the distance and woes of being apart.
Navigating Communication Barriers and Misunderstandings
Let’s be honest – communicating in long-distance relationships is hard. A simple text can be taken the wrong way, and delays can anxiously anticipate a response. What helps and solves communication challenges is being proactive and problem solving. First, be prepared to recognize it is okay to use technology when the technology does not cooperate. Have a Plan B. Once you feel like a text conversation is becoming heated, be aware of it and switch to a call and/or video chat. Secondly, have boundaries and expectations. Discuss what apps you will use and offer your schedule, so they aren’t feeling neglected or ignored. When problems arise and misunderstandings occur, take an extra breath and be curious instead of accusatory. Instead of “Why didn’t you reply to my text?” Try “Hey, I saw I texted you and you didn’t reply, everything okay?” Curiosity, versus accusation, diffuses some of the defensive feelings in conflict and builds resilience.
Maintaining That Essential Emotional Connection
Maintaining an Emotional Bond
Keeping the flame lit takes some creativity and effort! You can surprise your partner with care packages or handwritten letters—you can also stay surprised by sending letters to each other. You’ll have a tangible reminder of your love until you reunite! You can also sync up some movies or favorite shows to watch together while video chatting together to share a surprise reaction! You might consider discovering a new shared hobby, such as reading the same book or studying a new language, in order to give yourselves something new to talk about and to connect over. You can get creative and both use a shared app to upload the random pictures you take over the course of a week and create a shared album-of-album of your lives without actually being connected all the time. These types of simple, ongoing, easy ways that you stay connected will build a shared world, a world that operates parallel to your long-distance world and allows you to intentionally invest in the well-being of your relationship and provide clear and tangible reminders of your importance in one another’s lives.
Importance of Mutual Emotional Support
In any long-distance relationship, being each other’s support system is non-negotiable. A support system means you each have a safe space to be vulnerable, without feelings of judgment or reproach. If your partner is having a bad day, you can practice coping with loneliness together. Simply listening can be a wonderful gift! You can also support each other, perhaps by recognizing the small wins. Did your partner have a good meeting that day? Celebrate it! All of this mutual support establishes the foundation of trust and found security between you. Remember, you are a team. Supporting each other mentally is part of the teamwork you are collectively engaged in, so that when one of you feels weak, the other can be strong.
Self-Care Personal Toolkit for Long Distance Relationship Depression
Fueling Your Body and Mind
Your physical health is inextricably linked to your mental health. When you sense the heaviness of depression start to creep in, you will want to start with the basics. It is essential that you prioritize body movement – whether that means going for a walk, engaging in yoga, or having a dance rave in your living room, movement is important. Use this time to emphasize your intake of foods that are nourishing, and sustaining to your body, instead of only food that is comforting to your body. Pay attention to your sleep! Being tired only added a layer of negative experience. When you take care of yourself – it really sets a good foundation for your body and mind, and you have enough energy and clarity to be there for both yourself and your partner.
Calming The Anxious Mind
Distance can cultivate anxieties and spiraling thoughts. This is where mindfulness and meditation can become your best friends! Deep breathing or guided meditations, for example, can be beneficial to calming your nervous system – which is vital during those times in which you notice you are missing your partner, or you are feeling especially anxious about your long distance relationship. Taking even 5-minutes each day to be present either through drinking coffee without distractions or journaling without judgments allows for mental wellness as you are managing the stress of a long-distance relationship and not getting lost in the spiral of “what if’s” while allowing you to stay grounded in the present moment.
Knowing When to Seek Professional Help
When It’s Time to Reach Out
If your waves of sadness tend to linger and affect your ability to work, study or find joy out of life, then it is time to be actionable and seek help. Other potential warning signs could be drastic changes in sleep or weight, feeling hopeless, or thinking about self harm or suicide. You don’t have to wait for a crisis. Think of therapy as preventative maintenance for your head space, it is always preferable to address mental health early than wait until in distress.
Exploring Therapy and Treatment Options
There are numerous types of treatment options. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is terrific for challenging negative thinking habits, while couples counselling will help you work through relationship challenges together – even from afar. Many therapists will also conduct online sessions now, making getting support for depression more accessible than it was. It is really about finding the right treatment options and a professional who can point you in the direction of light and hope.
Parting Thoughts
Living with depression while in a long distance relationship is an experience, not a destination. It takes intention, patience, and a ton of heart. Now, remember that you are not trying to eliminate all feelings of sadness – that is an unrealistic expectation – you are trying to create a life and relationship that is so rich and resilient, that the distance is a challenge you are navigating together, instead of it being an interference that is drawing you apart.
Your healthy road advice: Be kind to yourself and to each other. Celebrate the little victories. Talk even when it’s hard. And never, ever forget to live your own life fully. A strong long-distance relationship is built by two whole people who choose to love each other, not two halves trying to become one. You’ve got this.
